“The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mystical. It is the power of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive form so this knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of true religiousness. In this sense, and in this sense only, I belong to the rank of devoutly religious men.”-Albert Einstein, Quoted in Philip Frank Einstein: HisLife and Times (1947), ch.12, section 5.

So long ago, I sealed that part of my heart that was you, never to open it again no matter the cost. So much so that no one knew you existed in my life. When I think back to our time together and the way we left each other; it only brought me pain.

When I thought telling you the truth was an impossibility, you appeared in my life, as if you were sent from heaven answering a prayer. Now here you are before me listening to a tale that was written so many years ago, but never read. As I tell you the tale, I wonder what you are thinking. I wonder if all the rumors you heard so many years ago were dispelled or were they re-affirmed. I wonder if the child you left and the adult before you exceeded your expectations or disappointed them. I wonder if your search of me was worth the effort. Should we have let the past be the past?

So now the tale is over, we promised to start again. Let’s see where we go from here.

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell.”- Edna St. Vincent Millay

We are unable to control who we fall in love with. The most treacherous part of love is the risk of the other person not returning love or in the end, being afraid of it. Why is love something to be feared? Love is one of most beautiful concepts ever created; to be loved unconditionally regardless of the inherent human flaws that we are born with.

My Dearest Friend, I was foolish for falling for you. Through your lifetime, your precious heart was broken repeatedly. In my earnest to show you the beauty of love; I also made you aware of it more than you were willing to accept.

There exists a type of relationship that is a blend between lovers and friendship; something that is so deep that it goes beyond what is physical. At times, no one understands how it comes to be or why it even exists. Only a few experience this type of love.

I was fortunate to experience this once before in my youth with a boy whom I believed was my soulmate in the form of a friend. I believed I found that one person that was beyond what any lover could provide in the form of this boy in front of me. Because of his own weakness and insecurity in his own identity, he betrayed mine by telling others. I made an oath to protect him and his secret and he failed to do to the same for me.

In my foolishness, I thought I found that love again in you.

For anyone who reads these posts may wonder why so much much of it is music, news, journals, or random other nonsense. The gift of literary prowess was not bestowed upon me. Only at my most desperate hour do the words flow through me.

With music, a well written lyric, can convey a variety of emotions and explain what is happening at the moment. Specifically with music, I find that it is the ideal way to communicate effectively without sounding like a complete blithering idiot. Those who write have a special gift. Those individuals are the poets of the world.

Breathe Me~Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch

I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Gaeta’s Lament~written by Michael Angeli
composed by Karen Angeli
arrangement by Bear McCreary

Alone she sleeps in the shirt of man
With my three wishes clutched in her hand
The first that she be spared the pain
That comes from a dark and laughing rain
When she finds love may it always stay true
This I beg for the second wish I made too
But wish no more
My life you can take
To have her please just one day wake
To have her please just one day wake

In the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica, episode “Guess What’s Coming to Dinner?” Gaeta’s Lament is a ballad sung by Felix Gaeta which helps him with the pain from losing the leg Samuel Anders shot on the ship, Demetrius.
_______________________
Strangely, every time hear this song, I am overwhelmed with emotion for I can not fathom loosing someone in death and only praying to the gods that for just “one day wake”.

There are moments that I am detached from all that is human and then there are many other moments that I am all human.

My Dearest Friend,

You broke my heart.

Love always, your loyal friend.

The current climate at the office is chaos and turmoil. Soon there will be reductions in force with the concept of “do more with less” to overcome years of mismanagement and corruption. As a result, employees are faced with the choice of leave or ride the wave.

One of my co-workers made the choice to leave and start a new career. Hearing this, I was saddened because this person will no longer be part of my life. Over the years I got to know this person probably better than most. I was able to see an aspect of her that others didn’t have or want the opportunity to know. What a shame! This person has a gift that is rarely seen in people anymore. Below is a small note I wrote in her honor.

Dearest ____,

When you approached me to tell of your retirement a few thoughts quickly entered my mind. I do not remember how or when we came to be; other than two individuals on two different paths, then at some point converging into one.

While on this path, I learned many worldly and godly lessons. Our walks across the Brooklyn Bridge taught me humanity still has a chance at what is love, kindness, respect, acceptance, and faith, for you are blessed with those gifts.

____, as long as you are part of this world, know that your inherent gifts will affect many others; those in need and those who least expect it. As our paths separate once again, please be true to yourself and continue to show the world your gift of love and beauty, the way you showed me. Thank you for that gift for it will always stay within me.

Love always.

At the gym, every Tuesday, a group of women and their infant children, take over the locker room. There is a sea of babies all over the floor along with all the stuff that comes with the baby. None of this bothers me, however, I do not understand why this group of women think they are the only ones using the facility. Other women are not able to walk around them because of their children and stuff without fear of stepping on a child’s head. Then to listen to their conversation is just as bad. They speak of their terrible days of spas and baby yoga. What a difficult life!

The song below is dedicated to all those “pretty women.”

Pretty Women/The Ladies Who Lunch
~arranged by Barbara Streisand
[From "Sweeney Todd" And "Company"]

Pretty women
Fascinating
Sippin coffee
Dancing, pretty women
Pretty women
Are a wonder, pretty women
Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair
Something in them cheers the air
Pretty women
Silhouetted
Stay within you
Glancing stay forever
Breathing lightly, pretty women,
Pretty women
Blowing out their candles or
Combing out their hair
Even when they leave
They still are there
They’re there
Sipping coffee
Here’s to the ladies who lunch
Everybody Laugh
Lounging in their caftans and
Planning a brunch
On their own behalf
Off to the gym
Then to a fitting,
Claiming they’re fat
And looking grim,
Cause they’ve been sitting
Choosing a hat
I’ll drink to that!

Here’s to the girls who just watch
Aren’t they the best
When they get depressed,
It’s a bottle of scotch
Plus a little jest!
Another chance to disapprove
Another brilliant zinger
Another reason not to move
Another vodka stinger
I’ll drink to that!

Here’s to the girls who play wife
Aren’t they too much!
Keeping house but clutching a copy of “Life”
Just to keep in touch
The ones who follow the rules
And meet themselves at the schools
Too busy to know that they’re fools
Aren’t they a gem!
I’ll drink to them!
Let’s all drink to…

Pretty women, fascinating
How they make a man sing…

Here’s to the girls on the go,
Everybody tries
Look into their eyes
And you’ll see what they know,
Everybody dies
A toast to that invincible bunch
The dinosaurs surviving the crunch
Let’s hear it for the ladies who lunch
Everybody rise
Everybody rise,

Pretty women at their mirrors
In their gardens
On committees, telephoning
Window shopping table hopping
Pretty women giving parties
Never stopping
Gossip swapping, capsule popping

Everybody rise, everybody rise,
Everybody rise, everybody rise-
Rise-rise-rise…
Pretty women rise!

Traveling through the underground in New York City constitutes for an exiting ride. Sometimes far more exiting than any roller coaster ride in an amusement park.

One day for instance, while running down the stairs to catch a train that is normally not there; my nostrils became aware of a smell that wasn’t familiar. When I focus to the surroundings, I finally notice the platform is clouded with smoke. Fire Department personnel were hanging around as if they were enjoying a beer on a summer day. There were two empty trains idling on the tracks with doors shut, without any announcement “of a condition.”

On another day, I found a “funny valentine” hanging from what used to be called the “strap hanger”.

“In E-Book Era, You Can’t Even Judge a Cover,” is very a true statement. Coincidentally, I was thinking the very same thing while riding the subway one morning. I then realized that I wasn’t able to snoop my way through the once endless sea of covers that the passengers were holding in their hands gripped with the plot. I then realized I wasn’t able to find my next adventure.

Technology is a blessing as well as a curse. I love the next new gadget, but sometimes, the “old way” is still better than the “new way.”

3 Libras~A Perfect Circle

threw you the obvious
and you flew with it on your back,
a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed
and passed over
when i’ve looked right through to see
you naked and oblivious and you don’t see me.
but i threw you the obvious just to see
if there’s more behind the eyes
of a fallen angel, the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit too much
from the wounded.
but i see through it all and see you.
so i threw you the obvious to see
what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don’t see me.
you don’t see me at all.

Your Not Alone~Olive

In a way, its all a matter of time
I will not worry for you
You’ll be just fine
Take my thoughts with you
And when you look behind
You will surely see a face that you recognize

Your not alone
I’ll wait till the end of time
Open your mind, surely its plain to see
Your not alone
I’ll wait till the end of time for you
Open your mind, surely its time to be with me

It is the distance that makes life a little hard
Two minds that once were close, now so many miles apart
I will not falter though, I hold on to your hope
Safely back where you belong
And see how our love has grown

Would you rather be surrounded by people but feel alone on the inside, or physically be alone with an occasional person to confide in?

Joyful Girl ~ Ani DiFranco

i do it for the joy it brings
because i’m a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it’s the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
i do it just because i want to
because I want to

everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
‘cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don’t cry

and i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know that there’s no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

i do it for the joy it brings…

So Much Light We Could See to the Other Side
By TINA CHANG

All fuel and fire, spine left like a bent arrow, dark matter, the teeth as relic, all of our words bitter fruit. Who could have believed we were made like this.

The cosmonaut, the soothsayer, and the blind archeologist knew merely by feeling with the ends of their fingers which reached out to nothing. We were a warring lot, hammered by days, and greedy too. Our plates were dented with heavy spoons, words spoken in secret in front of a fire, documents burned before anything of substance was revealed.

We made that fire, fed the flames with newspapers, kings, martyrs, and love. We were wanton, selfish, predisposed to constant dreaming. We fed, fought and then fought some more until night arrived with its hellish glow. All around us, mothers taught their children words for the first time. They fashioned the universe into something knowable, sayable.

Say this, said the mother and the infant repeated the words, clumsily, devoted. The child’s devotion was the world fabricating a truth. Repairs on the other side of the hemisphere. The archeologist found our bones and said we were a strong and healthy race, grew more ingenious than any generation before us, before we fell away from wit, invention, our own empty embrace. We ran to our end like leaping into a volcano. Unstoppable fury.

We should have disappeared entirely after the bomb, the floods, our own desertion. Someone’s mouth blows dust off the bones. The soothsayer predicts that we will come back, the cosmonaut
is willing to bet when the world ended there were more stars filling the sky than ever before. There once was shadow, before a last light came, not to darken the plain but to define it.

My Dearest Friend,

Please do not confuse my silence and distance as anger; only a deep sadness for I have lost a friend. Our brief time together allowed me to break my own rule: “never allow anyone to penetrate my heart.” Allowing myself to do that taught me a valuable lesson: never to trust anyone again. I wanted to thank you for that lesson for it was a reminder of what I learned so many years ago. I wanted to thank you for a few months of freedom whereby I was able to be who I am without worry of judgement or reproach. It felt liberating to just be me.

What transpired between us will not be the first nor the last time for you. I sense trepidation when it comes to matters of love and kindness. I understand your feelings and your thoughts, but living in fear means never taking a chance which in the end means being alone. Life is too short to not take risks when it comes to matters of the heart. The journey of life doesn’t all quite often bring the pure of heart. There will be more evil than there is good, but I hope you will find what you seek. For what is worth, I hope our brief encounter has left you with a few thoughts that you will keep with you when you need them.

If we never speak again, know this…you will have my heart should you need love and compassion…you will have my mind should you need my thoughts to sort out what is troubling you…when the world around you seems grim know that you will have a small measure of peace within me.

Love always your loyal friend.

A day that brings life is also a day that brings death.

Steward of Gondor~
Lord of the Rings:The Return of the King

Home is behind
The world ahead.
And there are many paths to tread.
Through shadow,
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight

Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall…fade.

Threats and Responses: The Decision

Threats and Responses: The White House: Bush Orders Start of War on Iraq

A heaviness is within me. This feeling is unsettling. It seems I have lost faith in the human spirit and all that it offers; friendship, love, laughter, and joy.

It’s interesting. Betrayal has such a powerful grip on the mind. It’s almost like a python, it can squeeze out all other thought, suffocate all other emotion until everything is dead except for the rage. I’m not talking about anger. I’m talking about rage. I can feel it. Like it’s gonna burst. I feel like I want to scream. Right now as a matter of fact.- Commander William Adama, Battlestar Galactica “Home: Part 1″